All’s in the Past by Sabrena

Frankly, I had no idea what I was doing or what I was looking for when I made that decision that day. I just resigned to giving fate a chance. So there I was being extremely and weirdly obese, with huge  stretch marks in the most unimaginable places, having difficulty to climb up even three steps of stairs let alone a whole flight of them, feeling miserable and wanting to be left alone most of the time. I hated to look at myself in the mirror and lost interest to even make myself presentable to work. Mimi as always tried to cheer me up while Syahidah and other friends tried to make me feel normal. Most treated me kindly though I still get stared at like a freak.

A few weeks after the hospital, a friend of ours asked Mimi and I to meet her up for lunch. It has been quite sometime since we met and I welcomed the idea. We were introduced to another friend of hers who explained that my autoimmune disorder is due to an over reactive immune system where the immune system could not differentiate which is a foreign virus or bacteria to attack or have problems in deciding the amount of white blood cells to be sent to a particular area. It is the opposite of cancer where the immune system is too low that it could not defend itself or allows a foreign cell etc to manifest itself.

After the lengthy explanation, the friend introduced us to 4Life’s Transfer Factor. A non-plant based supplement used to improve overall health. Considering the crash I had and I would not dare touch anything that could boost my immune system in any way, I decided to give it a try. I was sure that my body system would need all the help it could get to overcome the shock it had to undergo. What have I got to lose?

I have been taking 4Life’s Transfer Factor for seven months now, and I have to say that I am no longer taking my diabetes and high-blood pressure meds. I am still on Azathioprine and Prednisone though since my pemphigus vulgaris of the oral mucosa is still with me and I need them to keep the oral inflammation controlled. I shed a few kilos and though stretch marks are still there, at least it is not as angry as it was then. I have to say, my quality of life and health has improved since I could climb stairs and I get to occasionally enjoy some sweet drinks instead of settling for warm plain water all the time. (I don’t drink carbonated drinks.) I started to join my dance classes again since my knee pain has improved and I could walk faster too.

Guess this whole experience has taught me to appreciate what I have and value the friendships I have. Despite the adversities I had to endure, I was lucky that I have a strong support system and I was eventually introduced to something which helped me regain my health, slowly but surely. It is one of life’s creative ways of teaching me to endure and have faith I think. Not that my journey is over. 

 me before being admitted.

After two weeks being discharged from the hospital, still puffy.

After one month taking 4Life Transfer Factor. The color on my skin is back.

After 4 months of 4Life Transfer Factor, no more steroid induced diabetic and high blood, no more puffiness (except for the cheeks), no more water retention..thank goodness.

Below are my pictures recently. I gain my confidence back, happier, lighter (hahaha) and healthier. Till next time...

                       Mimi and I (picture taken in December)

Most recent photo (Jan)

xoxo,

Invictus

The Road not Taken by Sabrena

Hey there..been ages since the last time I wrote. Guess, keeping up with the changes around me has taken a toll on this particular project of mine…anyway, where did I left off? Hmm..the hospital.

OK..apparently the real reason my body crashed that day which led me to be treated at the High Dependency Unit (HDU) – pretty much the place they prep people up for surgery or for any cases in which the patients’ condition are not serious enough to be placed in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) – was quite cloudy. But the doctor in charge of my case did highlighted the obvious, it is steroid induced.

This revelation struck me on the potency of over-medication, if there is such a term. You see, every time I was prescribed a drug, I would Google it up to know what I am putting in my body. I am sure you are aware that drugs actually tell certain parts of your body to react in an unnatural way. It could tell the brain to release or reduce certain enzymes or body fluids. The thing is, these prescribed drugs could actually turn your body haywired especially in cases like mine, where I was prescribed to various types of drugs. The best analogy I could think of from the top of my head is imagine what would happen to a ship if the captain has too many people advising him as to how to handle a crisis. Each advisor has his or her own interior motives and each suggestion given would have an adverse effect to the ship in both the long and short run. The best part is, most of the time none of these advisors actually care about the well being of the ship or the crew and passengers.

The ship here is obviously the human body whereas the captain is our brain while the advisors are the drugs and the doctors prescribing them while the crew and passengers would be the internal organs of the human body. Please do not get me wrong. I respect doctors a great deal, and it is an extremely noble profession to be in. However, doctors in general tend to throw medicines at the wall and see which one sticks. These medications prescribed are not tailor-made to your body’s health needs and they are rather generic based on studies and experiments. Hence the reason why some people need to visit their doctors a few times – the meds prescribed are not strong enough or there were allergic reactions etc – before they are cured. Learning and experiencing the side-effects of taking in too much medication first hand opened my eyes.

Previously, whenever anyone suggested alternative medicine, I would shy away without even bothering to think much about it. After all, doctors spend so many years to be qualified to do their job. The night before I was discharged from the hospital, I felt that I do not care about following doctor’s orders any more. The side effects of the meds combination on me were too much for me to bear. I spent half the night questioning God, why me? Seriously, why me? It was a very emotional moment since I have never felt so broken in my whole entire life. The experience shattered my confidence, stripped me financially bare and battered me to the point of wanting to give up fighting. I felt like there was nowhere for me to go and no one whom which I could turn to. I was alone. I do not think I could ever recover from this nor could I ever fully describe it to anyone. I know I could not go through the pain anymore and I would be heartbroken to see if anyone I care about had to go through the same experience. I ended up muffling my cries in the pillow, not wanting to wake Mimi up because I know she would worry and fuss over me.

The very next morning, I told Mimi and Syahidah that I would be open to anything to get better because I was tired of following the logical path to recovery. My autoimmune disorder was only getting worse. I might end up getting cancer (my baby brother passed on at the age of eight due to leukemia and my mum and I were the only ones present during his crucial final hours at the hospital) thanks to my meds knowing that it suppresses my immune system at the bone marrow and so many other worse possibilities. In other words, I do not want my health to be dictated by meds. So when the doctor wanted me to take further tests, I said I wanted to go home; and home I went to that day.

 xoxo,

Invictus

Dancing with Psoriasis by Mimi

It’s been a while since I wrote anything in this blog. What have I been up to lately? Practically busy doing a bit of this and that. Let’s talk about the weather for a second (I know, it's interesting right?! Hahahah); when the weather changes from cold to hot; my psoriasis will also act up. So far, after taking 4Life Transfer Factor for nearly about 7 months, my skin has not had an outbreak since then.

Anyway, I am busy preparing myself for the dance examination Silver Level in July. Like I told you before, I appraised as 'highly commended' for my bronze level dance exam. The only problem that was highlighted by the examiner was that my ankles are weak to point and turn when dancing. So basically I have about 5-6 months left to learn new dance and routines plus try to strengthen my ankles.

I remembered when it was the crunch time last year, both of my feet were swollen especially my ankles. They were so swollen I could not fit in my dancing shoes. Thank God on the day of the exam I could just manage to fit in my dancing shoes and dance. My instructor told me my feet are “flat footed” so I need to have a sole specially customized for my feet. I asked her, why do that the swell come on and off? I noticed that it did not  only swell due to rigorous training. Sometimes my ankles started to flare up just by climbing the stairs . Asked my doctor about it, one look at my ankles, he said that was due to psoriasis. It will flare up and swell every now and then. That’s why my feet and ankles are so hideous all the time.

Above picture is my ankle - swelling and the skin cracking up..

This is my hideous feet swelled up like little sausages and the skin is so dried. Am so embarrassed.

Currently, in my dancing class, we are studying the dance called PasoDoble, here the ladies will dance as if they were either the bull or the cape hence, and you need to have a good straight posture and strong ankles to do the sharp turns. I thought for sure “there goes my ankles”.

For warming up my instructor made us dance to fast and long routines such as Mr. Sexobeat, Dedication to my Ex, Jai Ho (Long routine but cool) etc. A lot of jumps, hops, flicks, points (I think I dance till my tongue fell out hahah);  surprisingly, my ankles do not swell like balloons anymore. Still weak but even that is a huge improvement and I could feel that they are much stronger and I could climb the stairs faster without feeling like I am carrying a heavy luggage at the end of my feet. Right now I am trying the 4Life Enummi Body Lotion for my ankles to reduce the crack and dry skins on my feet and ankles. Will let you know how the progress of my skins soon.

On the lighter note, I would like to share the lyric : I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack. This lyric and song means a whole lot to me I hope for you to.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed;

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance...I hope you dance...

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking,
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making;

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to selling out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance;

I hope you dance...I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along, tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

Hope you like the song as much as I did, I forget to mentioned last Sunday 12 Feb 2012 Sabrena and I join a Flash Mob at Sunway Pyramid for a couple’s 60^th Anniversary. Hah, it was so cool!! We dance to the September song by Earth Wind and Fire. I am so happy I could hop without damaging my ankles anymore. It’s was quite of an experience. Take care and till then .

 Me chilling out, after the Flash Mob..still in one piece hahaha

Later, 

Mimi